I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
