just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
