Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
