Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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