New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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