Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
