can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
