i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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