did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
