The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
