I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
