She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
