So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
