i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
