Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
