I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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