We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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