if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
