69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
