just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
