I'm drive I can fine osifer
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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