$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
