Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
