i need an iv and a liver transplant
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
