Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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