This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
