Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
