Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
