So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
