why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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