Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
