My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
