and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
