I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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