hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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