Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
