Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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