Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
