I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
