Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
