Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
