Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
