At least make sure they are 18
Why
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
