We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Of course I have a pirate flag
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
