I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
