why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
