she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
