Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
