just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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