i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sext me about skeletons
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
