careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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