why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm like, not good at living.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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