Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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