There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
