I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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